wait.

In our society we plan out our weeks - take my week for example. Monday through Friday I'm working until 4:30 pm, then Friday night is Christmas Eve and I can't wait to give Paulo his Christmas present and open a present from my parents, since it's tradition. But who guaranteed me that Friday will even come this week? Who said that Paulo will open his present and I can see the look on his face, or my mom when she opens her gift? Noone. We all plan things ahead - noone plans for just the day. If there is one thing that I've learned this week, it's to plan things by day. I went camping this summer, shocking enough in itself for you people that actually know me, but I did go. My Tio Gilbert (tio meaning uncle) had been diagnosed with terminal cancer actually exactely a year ago from this week. I planned to see him before I left. Actually the funny part is, the night I was going to stop by - which was two nights before I left - I was driving with Paulo and we saw a car that was broken down on the side of the road. I said, Wow that looks just like Tio's car! And he laughed and said, It is Tio's car! Can't you see Car-Car (we'll talk about him another time) sticking his head out the window?! My Tio, sick as he was, was trying to fix his own car. You need to understand that my Tio was an expert on cars - he loved them. More of an obsession really, but it made him happy. Now you see this man, fraile and sick, and he's doing something he loves to do anyway. So of course we pulled over and I made sure he was okay and once the car was all set, I said Tio I'm going camping this week! He laughed at me, like I said me camping is just humorous in itself! I promised to see him when I came back and that was it. Paulo and I went home, my Tio drove along with Car-Car in tow and I had just assumed he'd be waiting for me when I got home. He wasn't. I got home from camping just a week later, and my mom tried telling me that my Tio was sick - but I just brushed it away. 5 days earlier he was trying to fix his own car! He was fine, she was just exaggerating or my dad was trying to make me feel bad to come home early. I'm mad at myself for being so selfish. I walked into my mom's office at about 10am and was so excited to be home, but she just told me that he died at 4 a.m. and they didn't want to tell me until I got home. I was relieved they waited - I wouldnt've been able to drive home from Rhode Island at 8 a.m. with that on my shoulders - but I was mad. I was mad at myself because I didn't plan day-by-day. I assumed that he would've been waiting for me when I got home. I could've shown him pictures and it would've been fine. I am grateful for it though, he was suffering and I know that he's better off now where he is. He's lived a hard life and it's time for some well-deserved relaxation for him up in Heaven - I just hope that God has cars up there that he can work on!
My point in this entry is to not take life for granted and I know people say that everyday and there's quotes about it, but I've lived it. I know what it's like to wake up with the regret of not saying goodbye for once last time, for not telling him how much he meant to me. I am glad that I got to see the smile on his face that he only got when he worked on his cars though - I'll never forget that face. But please, don't think too far ahead. It gets you nowhere and leaves you unhappy. Be happy for this moment, for this day and for the morning - not for a month from now, a week or even a day.