English.

You know, I'm an English major.  I'm an English major because I followed my heart instead of my head.  My head said, "Stick with nursing because you'll make a ton of money and have job security."  My heart replied with, "You can't handle seeing someone break a bone or getting a needle so how in the hell are you going to do that to someone else?!"  My heart had a good point.  So clearly it won.  Then my head said, "Well fine then at least be certified to be a teacher so you still have job security."  And my heart said, "You'll end up waking up in the morning dreading going to work and you don't want that either."  So once again, my heart won.  I'm an English major.  I was happy.. for about a month, until I realized what AM I going to do?!  In a year from this exact day, I will be finished with my fall semester of my senior year of college.  SENIOR.  Do you know what that means?  For about 15 years I've been saying, "I can't wait to graduate from college then I'll never have to go to school again!"  But how do you prepare yourself to never write a paper again, to never sit in a classroom again?  I mean sure, you can go back but realistically life takes over - you get married, have kids, get used to a steady income - and school just takes a backburner.  But what happens if I graduate and don't know what to do?  What if I can't find a job or stability?  But do you want to know something sad?  Ever since I was little do you know what I've truly wanted to be?  A parent.  A mom.  The way I feel about my mom is how I want someone to feel about me.  I know for a fact that my dad loves my mom, I think everyone in the world knows that they're in love (you honestly couldn't pick a better match for the two of them!)  but it's a different kind of love that they both feel for me and my brother.  I want that.  I want to watch someones face light up when they open that perfect gift on Christmas morning.  But how do I get there?  Right now, I can't even move out of my own house, so how am I going to graduate with a degree in English and expect to get anywhere?  Two people said two things that have been bothering me so much within the past month.  First person.  I started a new job and he's the CEO of the company (I won't say names/locations, I'm mean but not that mean).  He asked what I was in school for and I replied English.  He said, "Oh really?  My son's going for his doctorate in English.  It's a tough major.  Maybe I should hook you two up and then you can move to a little city in Kansas together because that's about the only place that either one of you will get a job."  Ouch.  That one stung.. and it was in front of a bunch of people.  Second person.  Once again, same question, what are you going to school for and I reply, "English."  She says, "Oh English is a major for people that don't know what to do with their lives.  It's just like a Psych degree or Arts."  Burn.  Major burn.  But you know what actually keeps me going about it?  I won't be a nurse and I won't be a teacher.  I'll never hold a patients hand and tell them that I'm going to stab them with a needle and I won't stay after school and help a child with his math homework because he doesn't understand it.  And in some sense, it does make me sad.  I do like helping people, but the difference?   I would wake up every morning miserable and upset.  I would resent the patients that are rude and nasty and that would take a toll on me.  If I ever got a migraine during a school day, then I might throw a misbehaving child out a window - by that reaction, I also know I can't be a mom just yet ;) Yeah, English might be a little broad and stupid, but you know what?  I'll be happy.  I'm content with working two jobs for the rest of my life, just like my parents because I went after something that made me happy.  For once, I didn't settle and I did something for me, not the rest of the world.