2010.

This past year wasn't the best, but I learned more than I think I've ever learned in a year.  I would say that in 2010 I learned how to love someone and allow them to love me back.  I've learned that sometimes there's a reason why people fade in and out of your life, but sometimes it's better to just let them fade because if you keep letting them come back all it does is hurt everytime they fade away.  I've learned that girls will always be jealous of you and every aspect of you - your clothes, your boyfriend, your friends.  I've never quite understood jealousy until the beginning of this year when I really experienced it and it really hurt me.  I've learned that if someone is telling you to stop talking to someone, it's not to be controlling or to hurt you - it's because they see something that you yourself don't want to see.  I've learned that every girl you meet doesn't want to take away your boyfriend or do anything with him, sometimes they're just extremely friendly.  It's annoying as hell, but completely innocent.  I've also learned, sorry but I have to brag, that I have the best family and boyfriend that a girl could ask for.  Yes I fight with every single one of them - my mom, my dad, my brother and my boyfriend - yes, they get on my nerves and sometimes I just want to lose my mind and run away from them.  But, bottom line is that they're always around for me.  They're always there to pick me up when I fall and to hug me when I need a hug.  This year was hard on everyone and to have their constant love and reassurance was great.  (Once again I have to brag.  The day of my Tio's funeral/wake, Paulo was scheduled to work.  I didn't bug him about it, it was whatever.  But then he went behind my back and talked to one of my best friends, April, and showed up there before the ceremony started.  Thank god he came because I would've been lost without him.)  I've learned to come out of my comfort zone and that it's ok to be uncomfortable with trying something new, but it's better to say I tried than I didn't.  Paulo had been begging me for months to go to South Carolina with him and his friends, but I didn't really know his friends and I was scared.  When my Tio died, I realized how quickly life can be taken away from you and I let my guard down and went - and it was hands-down the best vacation of my life.  I've learned that having grudges against people and holding negative vibes isn't healthy for you.  The other person doesn't know how much you hate them or think about hating them, so how in the hell is it hurting them?  They aren't thinking about you, so why would you waste your time thinking about them?  I've learned that I'm too controlling and I put too high of expectations on people.  I need to keep my guard up, but not as high as I've been keeping it.  I've learned to TRY to stop complaining all the time because I can't deal with it when people constantly complain to me, so how do I think they feel when I do it back?  Overall, 2010 was filled with tears, drama, fights (believe me more than I wanted) and not the best situations.  But! I want to take this part of the blog to say a few things to a few people:

• April.  I know you and I have had our up's and down's this year and that ever since I've moved home we don't talk/see each other as much but I don't want you to think that I don't remember all the stuff you've done for me.  You were there for me on my birthday when noone, and I mean noone, else was.  You spent the whole day with me without a complaint and you did everything you could to make my day/night perfect and I really appreciate that.  I know you must think that I take you for granted sometimes, but I don't.  I do appreciate you and the stuff you do.  You were the only person who stayed at my Tio's funeral until you felt I was comfortable enough to be by myself.  You have always had my best interests at heart and despite the fact that instead of talking you and I just bottle stuff up, I always know what you're thinking in the back of your mind.  We'll be fine when we graduate and we're going to become something together and it'll be because we're together.  I love you alot and thank you for everything this year.
• Ashley. We've had more than up's and down's this year.  We've had a rollarcoaster ride.  I'm sorry for the fights, they were beyond immature and I feel like when we got over our fights, it was awkward.  I feel like it was awkward for a while for the two of us - but we overcame it.  We got over our insecurities and we let our guards down and we became friends again.  You are the only thing in my life that has remained constant for the last few years.  You're the most stable person in my life, despite our stupid fights.  You're the only person who survived the cut when I cut off everyone and I think that there's a reason for it.  There's a reason that you and I always find a way to make our relationship, yes RELATIONSHIP because you're my long relationship I've ever had, work and I'm glad for that.  I love you like you're my family.  I love you like you're my sister and I don't ever want to go through what we've gone through in this past year again and you need to promise that we won't.  No more dark days. I love you.
• Alexa.  I feel like this past year you and I have become more of a family than before.  You've grown up alot this year and you've learned alot from me already and I don't mean that in a conceited way.  You always listen to my advice and take it and I'm glad that I can help you not to make the same mistakes that I made in high school.  I'm proud of you and the girl that you are and for being my partner in crime.  I'll always be around for you, with whatever you need and whatever you decide to do in life you know I'll always back you up.  I love my little red-headed sister.
• Paulo. You have the patience of a saint.  I can't even believe that you're still with me and it's almost been a year and a half.  You came along and changed my entire world.  I'd been hurt so much in the past and I didn't think it was possible to ever care for/love someone the way that I do for you.  You make me so happy and complete.  I have not only found a boyfriend in you, but I've found a best friend and a missing piece of me.  I'm sorry for my moods and being bitchy sometimes.  You don't even understand how much I appreciate you being there for me and that vision of you walking into my Tio's funeral will ALWAYS be in the back of my mind because it was amazing for you to be there for me.  I never want to be without you and I'm glad that I've found you.  You've introduced me to a world that I've never been a part of.  You've taken me to more places in this year and a half than I have ever been in my life.  You've done so much with me and forced me out of my comfort zone and I couldn't be more grateful for that.  I love you with all my heart and I'm so glad I've found you.

And finally, to the strongest people I know.

• My family.  The four of us have been through alot this past year and the funny thing is that we've made it to another year when we all felt like it would never get here.  We've made it to 2011 and we've made it with accomplishments.  Dad, I know this year has been particularly hard for you but you don't even know how much you've affected me this year.  You're strength is something that should be envied by everyone around you.  I love you very much and I hope that I can be as strong as you for the rest of my life.  You always put a smile on my face and always make me feel better when I'm down.  I love you very much.  Mom, you are the definition of my best friend.  You always listen to me and give me the best advice and I truly think of you as my best friend.  You are always there for me and always give me a shoulder to cry on.  Thank you for letting me grow up this year and do everything on my own.  I may have hated it in the moment, but I appreciate it now.  Thomas, we've had the most confusing relationship this year. I don't tell you this enough but I am proud, and a little jealous, of you.  I'm proud of how well you do in school, your acting skills (especially this year!) and of course with your wrestling.  I love you so much and you've been amazing in this past year.  I love you little brother.

Congrads to everyone for making it to 2011 :)